I’m really happy about today’s posting because first, I wanna tell you that I got IBB’s logo now (you can see the right side of my blog, nowgive me applause, lolol) and second, today I will tell you a true story about my acnes. Why am I so happy to tell about my acnes? haha, like when we are playing a game, when we complete a mission we will unlock a special achievement, and so, it is the same with me. When I post this, I have succesfully unlocked level of confidence. Because why? Acnes is one of the biggest insecurity in my life. So I am more confidence now and no one can look down at me again. So arrogant right?haha
Beware this is a long post, lolol
Okay, start from when I first I got my acne. I used to have very flawless skin but it ended when I hit 11 years old. I have various types of acnes: whiteheads, blackheads, papules, pustules, nobules, and cysts.
Here’s the explanation:
1. Whiteheads – remain under the skin and are very small.
2. Blackheads – clearly visible, they are black and appear on the surface of the skin. Remember that a blackhead is not caused by dirt. Scrubbing your face vigorously when you see blackheads will not help.
3. Papules – visible on the surface of the skin. They are small bumps, usually pink.
4. Pustules – clearly visible on the surface of the skin. They are red at their base and have pus at the top.
5. Nobules – clearly visible on the surface of the skin. They are large, solid pimples. They are painful and are embedded deep in the skin.
6. Cysts – clearly visible on the surface of the skin. They are painful, and are filled with pus. Cysts can easily cause scars.
So I was very very ashamed to show my face. I do remember I had lotsa friends, and I was a part of the most beautiful clique in my class. Starting from my leader, and the rest of the member. They were the most popular girls in the class. haha
I was proud to be a part of them.
But when my acnes popped up, I felt that I was no longer a part of them anymore T_T
Once there was a rich beautiful girl who invited special people in the class to attend her party. I was the only one in my clique who did not receive the invitation. Sad? no, I was not. I didn’t realize why and just let it go. (I was still a child at that time >.<) After 2 years, I realized this. It was because I didn’t have any friend, not even one. I was all alone and my clique recruited a new member. I was kicked out.hahaha (For the past friends who read this, I don’t mean you’re bad)
And then life goes on. I grew up with so many acnes, not just on my face (chin, cheek, nose, and forehead), but also on my chest, and at my back. I was the most disgusting student in my class, all my friends told me to wash my face. Oh my God, I even washed more thoroughly than you all, and even then acnes still popped up. 1 pimple showed up and I needed 1 – 2 months to remove it, and by that time another pimples had already popped up at another areas. I felt itchy and sore for day and night every day. For whoever is reading this now and also has experienced these, you must know how I felt. hihi
So I decided to not pay attention to them and just study to get the top rank in class. Too many books I read and made me have to wear glasses. And guess what? I looked like Betty La Fea minus the braces. lolol And also, I had really dark skin. Dark skinned version of Betty La Fea. ^____^ I used so many products started from Clean&Clear, Ponds pink and green, Sulfur Soap, Acnes, Sariayu, Biore, Johnson’s baby Soap, Body Shop, Kose, and all local brands to America and Japanese Brands. I went to so many doctors, started from cheap to expensive. My parents spent so much money because my prescription could cost from IDR 2.000.000 to 3.000.000 The doctors always prescribed me Vitamin A, 3 to 4 antibiotics, toner, lotion, sunblock, powder, daily cream, night cream, and acne medication. Not just that I also went to beauty clinics (Pola salon, DeDe salon, Hermin Salon, House Of Dura, Erha, and also unnamed salon. Like crazy right?) to do facial wash, peeling, acne laser, microdermabation, and so on. But nothing worked on me. And then I cried, that was the only thing I could do. lol
In 2011 my father took me to Singapore to consult with the doctor in Gleneagles Hospital. The doctor suggested me to do accutane treatment but I had to come for the control every week. I couldn’t lah, I live in Indonesia, how much must I spend to take that treatment and also I did some research on youtube about accutane. It made me scared to dead how the accutane works. Accutane will let all the acnes pop out until you can’t see any area without acnes, the size of acnes are also incredibly large, itchy, sore, and even some people can not wake up from the bed.
I refused the treatment and just asked for external medication. The doctor prescribed me :
1. Cetaphil Daily Facial Cleanser
2. Avene Eau Thermale Hydrance Optimale (normal to combination sensitive skin) for daily and night
3. Clindagel 1% for morning
4. Differin Gel 0,1% for night
I was stressed and never wanted to take pictures with my friend. But Buddha is good, lol He gave me good friends when I was in senior high school and college ^___^ When my acnes were in the stage of calm not so reddish, I would take pictures with my good friends. The truth was, I really didn’t want to take pictures with them because they are so pretty and I was the only ugly one. But they told me, “you live just once and when you grow up, you will smile upon seeing your older photos“. So these are my pictures with my good friends.
All taken my nokia phone (N73 I guess) ^_^
You will know which one is me at one glance. hahahaha
Note : I didn’t know how to smile The friend who taught me how to smile is Yukii (check her blog) ^^ she is entertain blogger (very good in description)
After coming back from Singapore I tried Korean product, the first product I used was from The Face Shop: clean face toner, clean face lotion, oil free control essence, Oil Free BB Cream, Oil Free Control Cream, clean face spot corrector, and varian of The Face Shop Mask Sheet.
After 3 months of using I saw a little miracle, I could see my skin without acnes at several areas on my face. But this was still very stressfull because I really want them to completely disappear as soon as possible from my life. I felt it was not enough, I was still a girl with tons of acnes. I became greedy for more, I guess.
One day I was sick, I forget what disease it was and as always my father accompanied me to our family doctor. He is a really handsome doctor ..haha After consultation he gave me my prescription and said “wooww, you have clean face now. As I said, don’t worry your acnes will disappear” But after hearing that I said that my condition was stuck in this stage and no more acnes dissapeared. I still had many on my cheeks, nose, chin, and forehead. I was so tired I said. And then the doctor said, “why don’t you accept your acnes as a part of your life. Think that you have eyes, nose, mouth, hands, legs, etc. Accept that acnes is yours. Don’t feel disgusted. Don’t feel sad“. (I was crying while he was talking, lolol. I am so dramatic)
He continued, “you must feel blessed that you have acnes because this proves that your hormonal system works good. You know many patients come to me to get hormonal injection and you don’t need it because yours is good”.
Since that day, I kept thinking about what he said and so I wrote about the positive things of having acnes. hahahaha
This became my new motivation and I wrote a lot.
1. My acnes “train” me to not feel disgusted when I am cleaning class, room, house. I am not scared to touch dirty things.
2. My face always bled and had pus and it really helped me in my biology class when we had to enter the lab while holding worms, frog, urine and when going to blood test. (just several girl in my class passed this test, many of the girls couldn’t even touch worms. But I even played with the worms, hahah. so disgusting)
3. I found my real friends, the friends who don’t give a damn about my appearance. They are my true friends.
4. I walk so freely on the street because there are no preman who wants to flirt with me but instead they want to mock me, haha
5. I am more confident now. You can see I put my close up photos a lot in my blog and facebook. With and without make up. With and without flash.haha and still many
After writing so many benefits of having acnes, I needed a very long time to really accept it and I achieved it today when I posted this and let your read my biggest insecurity in my life.
You will ask why I have cleaner face now. haha (But not so clean actually, nobody is perfect)
Okay, because I have used so many products, I finally come to understand my skin. I know how to read ingredients of skin care and cosmetic products and I become in love with Korean products. I use Innisfree (green tea seed serum is the best for acnes), I use missha bb cream, and long wear Innisfree bb cream, I use Etude concealer kit, I use The Skin Food Broccoli Cleanser, I use so many whitening products to heal my scars and freckles caused by my acnes, and for my big pores I use Innisfree Jeju Volcanic Pore Clay Mask. You can read my other posts to know what I used and what worked on me. This is a very long journey and when my customer complained to me that the product I sold to them did not work, I would say it depended on your condition and the type of your skin. You have to understand your skin and instant product is not good.
All Korean product is natural (but not 99%, you know lah cosmetic how can exist if 99% natural, hahaha, but still our skin can accept it)
Oh yeah, why I started to blog? I am truly happy because I find so many nice beauty bloggers who is willing to share their experiences. They are friendly and want us to be brave to be pretty ^_^
You said I am ugly? I don’t care, I don’t even think I am ugly. Because I am who am I. I am pretty and feeling pretty even without makeup. I am the most rightfull person to judge my own self, not you.
Once you say I am so narsis and tidak tahu malu, that only means you’re jealous and ugly.haha kidding =^_^= no one is ugly in this world
I will keep blogging to share what I experience and note I am not a doctor or dermatology. All I write are my experience.
Thank you so much for reading ^__^
Biggest insecurity UNLOCKED >,<
Statement : true story of me. The pictures also mine.